Saturday, 31 January 2009

memoirs part 1 : regrets

Do you remember Bless bridges ? If you don't it's cause you're young and basically not worth sh!t. Don't assume anyone is interested in your opinions and basically shut the Fekk up , especially at the pub.

But if you do , god help your soul. Imagine Enriquo Englesias , then imagine he had a father named Julio who croned horrible europtrash ballades the likes of which abba ould sing without any implications of irony......while handing out roses to old women.

...if your fight or flight reflex hasn't kicked in yet and you've not either run away or broken your computer sadly we're not done yet. South Africa had it's very own lecherous old man who passed out flowers to old women while singing crap music. And he was afrikaans. If you , like me are unlucky enough to be related to afrikaaners like myself (and can't change it...trust me...I tried to the point that the doctors won't even take my calls anymore)and hve an afrikaans granny who is not dead yet ( and god forbid you've not locked her safely away in an old age home or general caged in area) then ask her about it. She'll tell you all about bless bridges, just as long as you ask her loudly enough( cause old people for some reason don't pay attention unless you shout at them. It's all the crack and methamphetamines if you ask me. )

Anyway now there's the really f#cked up thing. People , if I may describe the afrikaans community as such, really liked him. Every second week he'd be on huisegenoot or that show with that @sshole with the curlyhair and and the retarded child who plays the keyboard. Anyway I digress.

Once upon a time I was roped into running something called "the train race". I was too young then to see the utter stupidity of inventing a f#cking thing so you dont have to walk and then voluntarily running against it. Anyway , me and my team decided to let me run the ninth position. That's fine , running is not hard . It's like walking but you push down harder and more often in less time. But no one mentioned a hill. So I waiting around until my team mate got there eating boerie rolls until he rocked up. Low and behold he gives me a baton and I'm off......

Now if you look at it superficially running seems pretty easy. Do the same thing you do when you walk, except push down harder and more often with your feet. But take it from me running is one of those things that start of easy and then gradually and in my case quite rapidly get harder.

First the fist part women are standing here handing you out water and you're afforded the brief illusion that you're some form of hero and the target of much appreciation. But very soon this wears off in steep correllation to the pain....anyway , myself being a thinking person born and living in the years post the life of henry ford, didn't take long to come to a coclusion that went something like this.

"F#ck this , I'm cheating"

I hauled over the team combi and shuffled my way through to the empty cans of castle lager. Despite the fact that we were doing extremely well at the time there seemed to be very little dissapointment ammongst my team mates at my decision to do so. I can't help but think the two matters were related : Us doing well and no mass surprise when someone cheated. A cynical man might say I was not the only one to have seen out my leg of the train race in the combi.

Anyway , we come to the end of the terrible farce to a little town named Loerie. I don't have much to say about Loerie except it should be nuclear bombed. But you can't because people live there and trust me , I've looked extensively into it and it's a whole legal mess. I don't mean to disencourage anyone , by all means do your best, but the blue tape and paper work etc when it comes to bombing people is tricky to say the least.......but that's the world for you...beurocracy goes mad.


Anyway....here's the interesting part of the story. We arrive in loerie in like 47th place or something stupidly undeserved after droping off our one good athlete about 3 kays from the finish. By good athlete , I really mean "least likely to die running 3 km's". And low and behold but who should be there ?

That's right....there he is...right before me........ Bless Bridges !!

And I didn't have my nun chucks.

Now there's a process you go through when grieving I seem to remember learning about in those 5 drunk and stoned years called unversity that starts with denial and goes to anger , bargaining etc....I still haven't gotten past anger.

Angry at God , angry at my team, but mostly angry at the man who invented the baton !

....I mean would it have been that much harder to have added a chain and some hefty metal to it? Not to mention sensible ? A wise man just doesn't pass a man running with nun chucks without a crack in his skull for your trouble .......it goes without saying ! Running then would suddenly go from an insanely stupid form of recreation to taking on a very crucial purpose : culling off those stupid enough to do it ! Not to mention I' d have had something to smack the hell out of Bless Bridges with instead of just crushed beer cans to throw.

If I ever find the grave of the man whose short sightedness didn't see the lethal potential of the baton , I'm going to empty my bladder on it.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

afrikaans music is lekker

for me the ultimate prize is nice
afrikaans cherry

i have a huge respect for the dutchman

Anonymous said...

so rooster

i know tis off topic but the super 14 is upon on

who would you say is sa best chance

The Rooster said...

afrikaans music is lekker

for me the ultimate prize is nice
afrikaans cherry

i have a huge respect for the dutchman

-----------

And so easy too. They're all looking to upgrade and find an english man. Give their kids a chance evolving I suppose. But yes...lovely girls.

The Rooster said...

so rooster

i know tis off topic but the super 14 is upon on

who would you say is sa best chance

-----------

I care less about who wins from the S.A franchises (sharks/stormers for mine) , as long as he blue bulls lose every game I'll still be happy as hell.

Anonymous said...

Ja - I'll aagrre with you on this one - Bles was the biggest doos ever.

You come in a close second though.

Anonymous said...

- SA has dropped into third place of the world’s gold producers after the biggest drop in bullion ouput since the Boer War in 1901, London-based precious metals consultancy GFMS said on Thursday.

This is a poor showing for the country that dominated gold production for a century, but it has seen output taper off as mines became deeper and more expensive and dangerous to operate. In 2008, South African mines had to contend with a week-long shut down because of electricity shortages in January and then curtail power consumption by 10%, which lowered production at some companies.

SA is now number three behind China and the US, GFMS said in its Gold Survey 2008. China claimed the number one spot in 2007 when its production rose to 276 tonnes against SA’s eight percent fall to 272 tonnes.

“South Africa faced a crushing year, with production plummeting by an estimated 14%, the sharpest percentage fall since 1901 when the country was still embroiled in the Second Boer War,” the consultancy said.

Based on figures from the South African Chamber of Mines website, the largest fall came between 1899 and 1900 when gold output fell 90% to 10.8 tonnes from 113.15 tonnes. It then dropped to eight tonnes in 1901 before rocketing back to 53.44 tonnes a year later.

The Boer War ran from October 1899 to May 1902 between Britain and two Boer republics, with gold, to some degree, lying at the heart of tensions. SA’s production is now at its lowest in 100 years, GFMs said, basing its assessment on preliminary 2008 figures and its archives. South Africa produced 1 000 tonnes of gold at its peak in 1970 and it has been declining ever since.

China has boosted its gold production because of increased foreign investment there, while SA has experienced a decline because of cost pressures and a vigorous government approach to safety, which entails shafts being temporarily shut after fatal accidents.

Overall, gold production last year from mines around the world fell to its lowest level since 1995 because of technical issues, skill shortages, power constraints and a weakening global economy that made financing difficult.

China, however, boosted production three percent and new mines came into production in Russia and Mexico, which should give a temporary boost to supplies.

Martinus said...

Oh Fuck, you not dead yet? I thought that aneurysm or whatever the fuck it was would have killed you off by now! Soooo frustrating!!! If you see a light at the end of a dark tunnel, run towards it!

Anonymous said...

A guy with Afrikaner blood puts up a blog called Kill Whitey???

Have you never heard of the expression about not pissing in your own tent?

You're not a black guy at all, you're an Ali G rip off.

Anonymous said...

oh Rooster, do you want to hear a funny story?

This martinus guy writing on you wall is this tiny pencil necked dutchman that threatened to come beat me up last week, and all he had to do is stop hiding behind fake profiles and show me his picture, and then i'd have given him my address. guess what!?! the little fucker is too shit scared to take a photo of himself, so he goes on and on how he can't make it and he has other plans and that i'm not worth the time, yada yada.

don't let this little weasel bug you, he's another typical ET that's all groot bek until he has to share a room with other black people. he is also a peadophile, but that's a story for another time!

The Rooster said...

Trust me...all these litle bitches on my site who send me death-threats etc are blowhards and I let them know frequently how little I give a fuck.Keep it coming you fucking cunts.

Martinus said...

Oh Devan Damonic, so nice to see you here too! I pop in from time to time to see if the Rooster has died yet or not. Funnily enough, you guys look very similar. I won't say where Rooster lives (even though I know), he'd just censor this post (or are you going to anyway, you fucking sickly wimp?). Once again, Diva, don't hate me, I'm not your father! I didn't touch you in the dark and sneak into your room at night.

Anonymous said...

and just for you :) tho i wouldn't publish it:

Martinus Van Schalkwyk wrote
Today at 12:16

Diva Demonic's hate speech: "oh Rooster, do you want to hear a funny story? This martinus guy writing on you wall is this tiny pencil necked dutchman". Anyone with half a brain knows how offensive that term is to Afrikaners (most anyway) and yet he's the one screaming anti-racism like a pre-op tranny! Incidentally, Diva, Rooster teaches English in South Korea and has for a while, everytime someone mentions this fact, he sensors their comments, much like you - when things get too heated, if you're an admin, you delete their comments. But you know what, I've resolved to be nice from now on, so after this little tidbit of info, I'll leave you alone for a while.

Martinus Van Schalkwyk wrote
Today at 12:17
Oh and also, his name is Keith Ainslie Smith, just to let you know.

you really get his dick in a knot ;)