Gauteng.

Anyone who has watched the show South Park for long enough remembers the neurotic kid Tweak. Poor Tweak always jumped up on account of his father owning a coffee shop. Doesn't tweak remind you of someone from Gauteng ? Just replace the coffee with cocaine and the comparison is just about perfect.

Whenever I'm in that part of the world and out somewhere it smacks me in the face how much "energy" everyone has. Well that's what they call it anyway. I'm a coastal lad and we drum to a different beat. Gauteng they're thumping away like their auditioning for sepultura, while we're playing the bongos to a Jack Johnson track.

Anyway, so I met yet another couple who decided they had enough of the country and were going to leave. But on my friends advice (who had also been through the same thing) they decided to try life here by the sea. Weeks into doing just that, reality seeped into their brains like a thirsty sponge : It's not South Africa that is a crap place to live, it's Gauteng !

And they're right. Apart from the dog eat dog, kak attitude people have lappa side, the place is relatively speaking outright bloody dangerous !

Look at this ! http://www.iol.co.za/news/crime-courts/cele-gauteng-is-the-home-of-crime-1.1049860

I'll sum it up. Gauteng has 50% of all the countries crime. Something like 20% of the population with 50% of the crime ? Wowsers ! If you squeezed south Africa really tightly all of the shit and puss would come out of Gauteng. It's literally like a boil on the asshole of our country.

Oh I don't have any message or anything today. Just Gauteng sucks. If you made a pie chart to demonstrate what proportion of awesomeness Gauteng represents of South Africa, you would have to stretch it out to the size of the Boötes void before its slice became visible to the human eye. Have a nice day everyone. Except you Gauteng. You can get fucked.



Next : My expose on the mind numbingly crapness of JHB and Pretoria.