Sunday, 6 September 2009

He he.

From here.

Canada shocked to learn Huntley wasn't last white in SA

VANCOUVER. Immigration authorities in England have warned Canada to expect a deluge of young, unemployable, white South Africans to arrive in their country after an immigration and refugee panel, made up of white folk who had never been to Africa, bought into former Cape Town resident Brandon Huntley's paranoia and granted him refugee status. "There won't be enough pubs and restaurants in Vancouver and Toronto to employ them all," said an unnamed Home Office source.

On Monday Huntley became the first white person to be granted refugee status in Canada after claiming persecution from black South Africans.

Commenting on the ruling Huntley's friend, Hannibal Plettervat said, "Brandon was mugged several times by black people. It was a clear case of persecution. They also called him names."
Asked how muggings could be equated to political or racial persecution Plettervat said he didn't know. "But you can ask the tribunal," he said, "they'll be able to tell you."

Asked what Huntley was likely to do now that he was legally free to stay in Canada, Plettervat said his friend would probably spend another few years there, at least until he had qualified for a passport and saved some valuable foreign currency.

He said that once those initial objectives had been achieved Huntley would probably return home to South Africa, buy a house or a small farm and settle down. "You know, the usual."
Meanwhile members of the tribunal panel who ruled that "the claimant would stand out like a 'sore thumb' due to his colour in any part of the country,” reacted with shock on hearing that there were in fact a further five million white South Africans still suffering daily persecution.
"We thought that maybe there were another hundred white people left," said tribunal spokesperson Alba Snow. "We were ready to send a helicopter to airlift them to safety," she added.

Snow admitted that evacuation plans had been put on hold after video footage of Patricia Lewis live in Brakpan had been downloaded from YouTube. "The only person that stood out like a sore thumb in that video was a black sound engineer who looked like he was bleeding out of both ears," she said.

She said the tribunal realised they had it all wrong when further investigation revealed that places like Loftus Versfeld, Constantia and the opposition benches in parliament also contained, "more than their fair share of whites."

Also see this.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Probably best if you point out to your less discerning readers that the article was in fact hayibo satire. People have a tendency to take these things seriously.

It was quite funny though.