So I have a condition called avm.
Apparently a part of my right frontol lobe is all tangled up in veins and arteries. The immediete danger is that I can have a stroke or aneurysm etc any time. It is curable but the trick is doing it in such a way that they don't damage too much brain tissue. Else I could lose anything from my memory to my personality to my motor functioning to my life(I know most people are hoping for the personality bit). I'll be going through a series of operations. One where they stick a tube into my head and glue off damaged arteries. One where I'm bombarded with radiation. And if those don't do the trick possibly one where they have to go in with the old lazer and scalpel.
This neurology stuff is very fascinating. You haven't quite seen the absurdity of your life until in the same hour ( 6 other testing procedures aside) you've had a total stranger shave your pubic hair, had a pipe shoved up your groin, been filled up with radioactive goo and been told to lie nude and dead still for an hour while a robotic monster machine whizzed up and down and about you revealing via exray the entire working of your body and brain on a big screen. The whole time being forced to watch a team of doctors in their obervation rooms reactions and trying to read the prospects of their future in their hand movements and facial expressions. Absurd !
I have so much to write about my last few days that once I've hopefully gone through the dangerous ops without too much harm I'm going to do so with a new blog. I just don't think I can carry on with the petty bitching and sillyness these racial debates come down to in the grand scheme. I don't want to be one of these self righteous asses who thinks they have the most problems in the world and everyone else should stop everything and see it from their perspective , cause those assholes are intolerable. But I would like to think a few poor bastards like me are going to be where I was a few days ago and could use a "friend".
Wednesday afternoon I was told by some callous cold neurologist that I might well have a brain tumour and I should go see someone else about it ....the next 3 hours of my life looking for a second opinion were the most soul destroying horribly frightening moments of my life. I know a big of human biology and the frontol lobes are not where you want them to be cutting away too much tissue. From the moments the universe threw me a life line a few hours later via avm specialist until now I've just managed to get a total new perspective on things. It's hard to feel sorry for yourself when the prospects of brain tumours is an alternative. Whatever happens I'm going to face everyday with an extreme positivite attitude and enjoy it for what it is. It's with a sense of total focus and clarity about that what is truly important about life that I move forward. And that thing is love.
Peace and Love.