Friday, 14 November 2008

The hell of living in europe...part 3 : lifestyle

In the third part in my blood curdling, spine chilling revelations of what life (if you can even call it that) in Europe entails I’m going to talk about the general lifestyle.

If one were to paint a picture of the lifestyle in South Africa you’d a full palette of colors to express the diversity of scenery and cultures we have at our disposal. For Europe on the other hand one need merely wipe your ass with some canvas and hang up for display and you’d have an almost photo perfect rendition of what to expect. It’s for lack of a better word : crap.

I’m sorry my friends , but before we even start to paint out picture the dice are already loaded. Weather and scenery wise god’s radiance truly has smiled upon South Africa whilst at the same time urinating on our European friends.

It’s fair to say that god really hates Europe. I don’t think we need to look any further than ABBA as to why. Or the Italians. You know what Italians are ? They’re like teenagers ! They’re loud, obnoxious, sex crazed adults with mommy issues, except shorter. Only a nation of true dimwits would hold as their source of pride some crumbled buildings and a tower that’s bent over. It’s supposed to be straight you idiots ! Seriously…who celebrates their ability to build badly ?

Anyway , let’s not get distracted. As I was saying : the weather.

A lot of people don’t get the big deal about the weather. Let me point it out for you. Apart from the obvious depression that stems from the lack of sunshine (S.A.D : seasonal affect disorder …Wikipedia it)…here’s the irony.

Many South Africans laughably claim with a straight face that they can’t leave their home anymore in South Africa. I don’t know who these creepy anti-social people are , but they’re certainly not part of the 100% of South Africans I know who almost nightly socialize in pubs and restaurants and golf clubs etc. Who spend their weekends scuba diving , or fishing or hiking , or simply enjoying the sun and braaing while watching the rugby in their big gardens. I just can’t relate to anyone who doesn’t leave their house and have a damn great time in this country. No wonder the internet gives a bleak picture of South Africa…its only these assholes who have nothing better to do than go on it and write that rubbish.

Anyway , here’s the irony. The so called idea that South Africans live a life of being “caged in” is truly laughable when compared to the very real caging in that comes from living in a cold and expensive country. I guarantee you that if you emigrate to Europe you will spend far more time than you could ever imagine confined to your home because either a ) it’s too miserable outside …or b ) it’s too expensive even for the average middle classed person to engage in anything fun.

Once in Europe you will yearn and pine nostalgically for what you had in South Africa and the freedoms you enjoyed. The ability to play golf twice a week, eat steak and drink a bottle of wine once in a while. To pack up the kids and go to your holiday house (yes…do you know what a freakish proportion of middle classed south Africans have a holiday house compared to the crappy realities of the “real” world ?). To have a garden for your dogs to run around in. No my silly little friends …South Africa is one big adults holiday camp and playground. The likes of which you will come to realize the moment the cold , stale, listless, boring reality of living in Europe hits you.

This all assumes you can even find a job in europe in the first place. Unlike South Africa where an amazing 96.4 % of white people over the age of 18 are employed, it’s not easy to find a job in Europe. You’ll be sweeping streets you can’t afford to drive on and serving meals and drinks you can’t afford to eat in no time. The only reward to return to the dingy hole you call your home so that you can do the laundry, wash the dishes yourself. No maids for you anymore sunshine….if anything you’ll be the maid. But look on the bright side…you won’t need a gardener …YOU WON’T HAVE A GARDEN !

When you live in a country folks that it’s so shocking that I have to emphasize it in capital letters for it to seep in that you won’t have someone to keep your garden tidy, then my friends…you have it pretty damn good !

But I suppose you feel well that all sucks but hey ! At least there will be people like me all around me !

Stop ! Do not pass begin not collect 200 euros !

I’ll let you in on a secret. South African whites are a simple bunch. Endearingly so at times, but laughably so at others. You’re not very likely going to be much welcomed in the economic circles you walked before. You’re not savvy or educated enough about the socio political issues of your new home. Welcome to classism my friends…don’t be afraid. You’ve actually met it before, you just don’t recognize it now because you’re looking at it from the other end. The bottom end. You’re peers with be the typical folks who make up the embittered and struggling low class. Hardly the typical civilized folks your silly stereotypical mind dreamed up could be found in Europe. Instead mostly uneducated and not very curious about you or interested in pandering to your exoticness. Seeping with drug addicts, thugs , Neo fascists who hate foreigners and the general dregs of society. Welcome to utopia buddy.

Even if you do manage to somehow assimilate and accommodate the desired values and discourses of your new land, you’d be bored to death with polite company at best. Whether you like it or not you’re a South African and will be until you die. With that comes our unique sense of humor, a serious amount of baggage and a penchant for drinking too much, being obnoxious and arrogant, shouting at referees and having chips on our shoulders. We sacrifice a good deal of social grace for “telling it how it is” in this country. We come rough and ready and that’s just not everyone’s cup of tea. Back home you’ll be loved and respected for you lack of pretentious postering, forthright politically incorrect opinions, dark humour and light hearted sexism. Not so much I think you will find in the western world. I think you’ll find at times South Africans aren’t quite refined enough for the western world. Or to put it another way : sometimes the western world just isn’t ready for south Africans.

There's a reason south african expats spend so much time on the net spewing crap about their exc country : they can't afford to do anything else and even if they could there's nobody to do it with. So they take out their misery and blame black people for their predicament. The psychology of a happy contempt person is not that which motivates them to behave the way S.A.S behaves.

Before you give up the vibrancy and the exciting challenges, the buzz that screams you are Alive that comes with living in Africa…you must realize something : You’ll be investing in a very sanitized and tranquilized way of life. Something I think you might only realize once you’re too dopey to do anything about it. I know sometimes this country can be frustrating and tricky …but it’s also so achingly vibrant and exctiting and bursting with potential and love and joy. Leaving South Africa for Europe is like dosing your soul on valium. Not always entirely awful, but never…..much good. Like a like warm bread pudding made with artificial sweetener.

There’s a Radiohead song that goes :

Fitter, happier, more productive, comfortable, not drinking too much
Regular exercise at the gym, 3 days a week
Getting on better with your associate employee contemporaries at ease
Eating well, no more microwave dinners and saturated fats
A patient better driver, a safer car, baby smiling in back seat
Sleeping well, no bad dreams, no paranoia
Careful to all animals, never washing spiders down the plughole
Keep in contact with old friends, enjoy a drink now and then
Will frequently check credit at moral bank, hole in wall
Favors for favors, fond but not in love
Charity standing orders on Sundays ring road supermarket
No killing moths or putting boiling water on the ants
Car wash, also on Sundays, no longer afraid of the dark or midday shadows
Nothing so ridiculously teenage and desperate nothing so childish
At a better pace, slower and more calculated, no chance of escape
Now self-employed, concerned, but powerless
An empowered and informed member of society, pragmatism not idealism
Will not cry in public, less chance of illness, tires that grip in the wet
Shot of baby strapped in back seat, a good memory still cries at a good film
Still kisses with saliva, no longer empty and frantic like a cat tied to a stick
That’s driven into frozen winter shit, the ability to laugh at weakness
Calm fitter, healthier and more productive……. a pig in a cage on antibiotics

And either that sounds like heaven to you…or maybe you’re like me : A born and bred South African…nurtured in a beautiful chaos that exists somewhere between nature and civilization....with all the luxuries of the modern world without the total alienation from the wild that thunders in your hearts. In full knowledge that nothing without risk offers reward. That living without ideals or great aspirations….but for the pure purpose of staying alive is not to transcend your existence, but rather to reduce all that you are to a simplistic meaningless organism. If that resonates with you….and if you’re anything like me…..then you just read the above and it sounds like hell.


Anonymous said...

You really know how to talk shit. You make so many sweeping claims without sources, that I can only assume that you

- either have a chip on your shoulder
- you are trying to be funny by exaggerating for effect.

The Rooster said...

I'm making an emotive argument. The source is my heart.

If you want sources read part 2...chock full of reasons to avoid the hell hole that is europe.

Anonymous said...

not sure who you're trying to convince here. i've just returned from France and Italy, and they're incredible places. they are 1st world countries with 1st world infrastructures. the residential suburbs are no different to ours, and the prices of housing is fine. if you're earning euros, then you can live in a conplex or whatever, same as here.

it's not a hell hole at all. in fact, on arrival, the plane shows you a beautiful documentary on each country. flying back to SA, the plane shows a "what not to do and how to be safe" video.

SA is great. And so is Europe. it's not about "who has the biggest dick".

everything is realtive. your writing is sensational and not very believable.

The Rooster said...

I'm just laying down a statement of fact.Being middle classed (even by south african standards) offers a better quality of life than being middle classed by euroean standards.

You're's not a dick meausuring contest. But it is only fair and right to let people know what they're in for. The grass is greener in some ways but far less green in so many others. Let the people hear both sides of the story. It's far too easy to get in a trap of being negative. There's a fine line between realism and peccimism but it's an extremely important line...and far too many South Africans who call themselves realists are in fact nothing more that hyper negative and quite irrationally so.

Anonymous said...

there you go again with your sweeping claims. i'm not sure where you hang around, but if the locals you spend your time with are like that, then get new friends.

europe is better in some ways, and worse in others. you can't sweep the entire region with the same brush stroke, like you're doing. you haven't even lived there, so i'm not sure how you can make such claims about middle class lifestyles being worse.

it just depends on who's looking. when you arrive in cape town, it's a hell hole once you leave the airport. townships, filth, and poverty everywhere. when you leave paris airport, it's absolute beauty and cleanliness.

like i said, everything is relative, and it depends on who is looking.

The Rooster said...

I have actually.

Cape Town is a hell hole ? Are you serious ? What an absurd thing to say.

The Rooster said...

And I'm surprised you mention paris. Actually in my experience it's for the whole part a grimy and rather tacky place. Sure the old city has some quirky appeal but the rest is a bit of a hole compared to cape town.

Anonymous said...

dude, stop with the denial.

when you arrive in ct, it's crap. Full stop. there is no argument. everyone knows that. that's why they're trying to clean up and fix the townships and the N2 from the airport generally.

like I said, it depends who's looking. for ppl coming from cities where there is no poverty, less filth, no shacks alongside the main roads, it is a hell hole. once you get through that, it's lovely.

go to prague, if you don't believe me. or zurich, Barcelona, Luxembourg, etc. those are not hell holes.

and it depends where you live, which determines the middle class quality of life you speak of.

but it's not a hell hole, and it's absurd for you to sweep the entirety of europe with once brush stroke.

it's about persepctive and moderation.

not sensationalism like you're doing. you're looking for traffic. that's the only reason you're being so hysterical.

Anonymous said...

"Sure the old city has some quirky appeal but the rest is a bit of a hole compared to cape town."

god, here i go again. it depends on how you look at it, and who is looking.

cape town has large areas of cape flats, where gangsterism and poverty is rampent. apartheid created it, and for the most part, it's a hell hole without sufficient infrastructure. ppl go on tours of the townships to see what apartheid created and to feel sorry for them. the government is actively trying to redevelop the cape flats.

affluent cape town, which is the minority, is very beautiful. and so are the beaches etc.

the city CBD is filthy. paper and crap everywhere. the toilets are terrible.

there are loads of places in europe that are terrible too.

but again, it depends on who's looking.

Anonymous said...

"And I'm surprised you mention paris. Actually in my experience it's for the whole part a grimy and rather tacky place."

that's my point, dude. it all depends on who's looking.

The Rooster said...

I've had my blog for 5 months. You see that google page rank ? I don't need to look for traffic.

I'm telling another side of a story that people deserve to hear. Not everyone has travelled extensively like we have...we owe it to them to let them know what they can realistically expect. It's not that europe is aesthetically's just the quality of life is shit. There is nothing contraversial about that statment.

Anonymous said...

".it's just the quality of life is shit. There is nothing contraversial about that statment."

you sound like a stuck record, and so do i.

it is your OPINION that europe's quality of life is shit. however, it is not a fact.

it's simply about who's looking, and what you're comparing.

1. if you're comparing beaches, then CT can strongly rival and beat any meditaranean city, for example.

2. if you're comparing residential housing, then sydney, for example has a better quality of life, simply because SA has too many gated communities and burglar bars and high walls with electric fencing. Sydney has almost no gated communities, electric fences, etc.

3. if you're comparing cellphone and national road infrastructure, then SA tops most countries.

it's not about telling another side of the story, as you put it. it's about comparing apples with apples.

not making sensational bullshit claims based on anecdotal opinion for the sake of driving traffic and comments. your Google page rank only has significance because of your obsession with the SAS racists.

Anonymous said...

3/10 page rank is not that great. and besides, it's mostly because by default. you've generated traffic not because you work hard at a quality blog, but because you leech on SAS.

you've even said that you put almost no effort into this blog. your grammar and spelling is evidence of that.

if you leave SAS alone, your page rank won't really increase. unless you start putting in some quality posts.

The Rooster said...

/10 page rank is not that great. and besides, it's mostly because by default. you've generated traffic not because you work hard at a quality blog, but because you leech on SAS.


At first, yes i played them like chumps. They're not too bright after all.


you've even said that you put almost no effort into this blog. your grammar and spelling is evidence of that.


Yup. Just don't have the time. I reckon I try to write 1 decent thing a week and the rest are pretty decent quality fillers. I suppose I treat my readers a little like a slot machine treats a gambler. Give them a little pay out once in a while and they keep coming back.


you've even said that you put almost no effort into this blog. your grammar and spelling is evidence of that.


I won't leave them alone. I'm just going to enjoy the ability to write about other stuff for a while. It's been pretty restraining to keep up the persona. Besides, fucking with their silly little lies is fun.

The Rooster said...

it is your OPINION that europe's quality of life is shit. however, it is not a fact.


Of course not. Europe isn't shit...S.A is just better. I truly believe that. You seem a smart guy.....don't tell me you've been to europe and actually would leave S.a to live there ?

i mean...there are all types....but for me that's insane .

Anonymous said...

Of course not. Europe isn't shit...S.A is just better.


I don't agree. I don't disagree either. As i've said, it just depends on what you're comparing to.


don't tell me you've been to europe and actually would leave S.a to live there ?


i am south african, and i'll stay south african. i have no desire to move. but if i was born in europe, and loved it with all my heart, then i probably would be saying the same thing as i am now.

perspective, dude.

The Rooster said...

i am south african, and i'll stay south african. i have no desire to move.


Amen ! so why you fighting with me ? Haven't I said all along I've got nothing but respect for fellow saffers who at least will say that mtter how much they disagree with me ?

you're no enemy of mine brother.

ANON said...

If this is what happens to people in South Africa who have gardens and gardeners, maids and luxury houses, who wants them anyway?

The gardener killed his employer in her luxury home. She suffered more than 40 puncture and stab wounds. The ferocity with which the woman was killed sent shockwaves through the community. She was bludgeoned and stabbed while the young mother, still frail from childbirth, was also holding her baby.

The gardener beat her with a monkey wrench, then stabbed her repeatedly, tied her up and gagged her. He then stole a mere R70 ($6,50), her cellphone and MP3 player and then just climbed out a window and left.

Maids? They will kill you too. When they're not breaking, burning, stealing and destroying everything you own, they're plotting and arranging the house robberies, home invasions and murders of the people who employ them.

My son who is 25 very easily landed a great job in Europe (not sweeping streets) earning 200 pounds A DAY vs the meagre wage of R9000 per MONTH he earned in SA.

In South Africa with its beautiful climate south africans live confined to their pokey top floor apartments in high rise buildings, suffer from lack of sunshine S.A.D anyhow, do their own laundry and dishes... not because it's too miserable outside but because it's TOO DANGEROUS outside.

Well, they'll kill you when
You're trying to be so good.
They'll kill you just like
They said they would.
They'll kill you when
You're tryin' to go home
Then they'll kill you when
You're there all alone,

Well, they'll kill you when
You're walkin' on the street.
They'll kill you when
You're tryin' to keep your seat.
They'll kill you when
You're walkin' on the floor.
They'll kill you when
You're walkin' through the door,

They'll kill you when
You're at the breakfast table.
They'll kill you when
You are young and able.
They'll kill you when
You're tryin' to make a buck.
They'll kill you and then
They'll say, "Good luck,"

Well, they'll kill you
And say that it's the end
Then they'll kill you
And then they'll come back again.
They'll kill you when
You're riding in your car.
They'll kill you when
You're playing your guitar.

Well, they'll kill you when
You're walkin' all alone.
They'll kill you when
You are walking home.
They'll kill you when
You are sleeping in your bed.

The Rooster said...

What neurotic drivel. I don't know a single person that doesn't enjoy an excellent relationship with their domestic employees. While murder is obviously an exception , I don't know the sepecifics but it's obvious to me the way your staff treats you will closely correlate to how you treat them.

The Rooster said...

To the anon "mr nobody"...the information was useful. I won't use it unless provoked.

Anonymous said...

"I must tell you this terrible thing, my old and revered leader: if a young
South African were to ask me whether he or she should stay or leave, my
bitter advice would be to go. For the foreseeable future now, if you want
to live your life to the full and with some satisfaction and
usefulness, and if you can stand the loss, if you can amputate yourself—then go . . ."

Mandela's smile:
Notes of South Africa's failed revolution
By Breyten Breytenbach