Saturday, 8 October 2016

The adventures of Zirkonflax : Space taxonimist extraordinaire

Let's join space taxonimist extraordinaire Zirkonfax. Scallywag and rockstar of gallatic taxonomy from the planet of Flax. Zirkonflax, arrives on planet earth for the first time as an intelligent being with an assignment to do a flash tour of the various countries and civilisations of humans, return home and report on the diversity.  What does he conclude when asked the following ...

"Zirkonflax, the conditions of living standards differ greatly on planet earth. As does the relative sophistication of behaviours. Some of the human species seemed to have attempted to master their primitive instincts via moulding cultures dedicated to transcendence, order and social contracts. Yet others seem to have not crawled far, if at all, from primordial savagery and slavery to base instincts. To what do you attribute this ?"

Before Zirkonflax left earth he knew he would have difficulty explaining what he had observed. Being good at this sort of thing, had come prepared. He had brought a guest from earth. A female professor of sociology from an American University.

"Exhibit Zork!" gestured Zirkonflax towards his space tourer.

The professor took his cue and presented herself to the beings in assembly from Zirkonflax's space tourer. She walked forward and stood perfectly upright next to Zirkonflax slowly bringing her hands together to her rib cage as if leaning on an imagined lectern.

"Greeting fellow beings", she offered, "I am from Earth"

Zikonflax translated eliciting a customary counter greeting of tentacle figure 8's. From the back of the assembly chamber the Chancellor whizzed out a inquisitors hum to which Zirkonflax translated into perfect English for the Professor.

"Grand Chancelor Gimpertux ask why social conditions vary so greatly amongst your species. I have brought you here to answer that."

The professor cleared her throat. "I can see how it must be confusing that we are so different given that we are a homogeneous species made up of equals. It will be my honour to explain to you about the complicated social dynamics that manoeuvre and manipulate our conditions into presenting the illusion that we are different from each other. There exist extremely complicated invisible structural and systematic forces of oppression and empowerment that simmer and..."

That's what she said, in English anyway. However if you were Flaxian this is how you would had heard it translated by Zirkonflax.

"The alien says they are a homogenous species. The alien says they appear different because of complex invisible forces.....oh wait........"

Silence!" yelled Zirkonflax, "Enough ! Back to the ship !"

Shocked and afraid, the professor skulked back towards the ship.

Grand Chancellor Gimpertux gave his species version of sigh. Young Zirkonflax, up to his old trix no doubt, wasting everyone's time "Zirkonflax, we don't have time for your mischief, are you going to explain to us how a homogeneous species can have such conflicting circumstances and social conditions? Such conflict and counter intuitive behaviour? "

"With apologies Chancellor, I'll be right back" pleaded Zirkonfax sheepishly.

Of he Whizzed in his space tourer for a quick round trip back to Earth. Chancellor Gimpertux was waiting as the space tourer docked.

"Well Zirkonflax, you had better have a good excuse for this erratic behaviour!"

"Chancellor I assure you what I have here will explain everything"

Zirkonflax allowed a pause for dramatic effect....and then...

"Exhibit Narf!" exclaimed Zirkonflax with a flourish of tentacles gesturing towards his tourer.

Out walked a male Somalian goat herder.

"Ah, I see" said the chancellor.

"Exactly" said Zirkonflax.


Naked & Afraid said...

Love it. Most entertaining. You could be onto something.

The Rooster said...

Draw your own conclusions, but thanks.