Friday, 7 November 2008

The horrors of living abroad : introduction

South African expats seem to mostly refuse to come clean about the harsh realities of the shitty quality of life in Europe. While I know many of them think it amongst themselves it’s just too painful for them to come out and say it “This was a bad choice!”.

Oh… in order to make it through the drudgery that is their new life some of them have convinced themselves they would get killed in South Africa or some other ridiculous nonsense. This helps them get through the day as they march through the internet desperately seeking bad news from home to reinforce their mind fart. The very fact that so many ache to come back (and do come back)despite these neurotic and stupid notions says a lot about their new quality of life , ie : Yeah we might get killed , but death is better than this !

Firstly before I continue South African moving companies report for every South African they help leave they help 1.5 move back to the country. So people are seeing the light mostly, and I’m sure many more will soon. They’re not my concern. You my lovely people still in South Africa are….and you’re being greatly misled about the greenness of the pastures abroad.

So as is my way and duty I thought I’d bring to your attention some of the horrors that come from living in Europe. Not that I hate Europe in anyway. Well except Germany.

Allow me a few moments to get this out of my system before I deal with the more rational facts about Europe...

I'm not a prude .

I'm all for exploring my sexuality . Having a good look around the mother fucker .Heck , when it comes to exploring my sexuality I'm freaking David Livingston .

But what the hell has that got to do with sticking my tongue in your ass ?
I'm a simple man . I polarize my world pretty much in black and white . There are those things which are sexy .And there are those things which are not . I strongly propose the act of licking someones anus , falls very much in the latter .

Why then does German porn mock me thus ?

This is not the first time me and Germany have enjoyed a difference in opinion .One might describe a comparison of our world views as “diverse” . They for example saw fit to “ethnic cleanse” a certain group of people . I , rather , formulated the more liberal view that we should decimate everyone equally .

Starting with Australians "in case" we change our mind after about say , 20 million people in , of course .

Well , coming back to our good friend “Jerrie” , or “Fritz” or “Adolf”, or whatever the politically correct term for German is (I don't want to come across all racist) , seriously , those guys are jerks .

I propose a ethnic group of people, who's daily struggle against their existential crisis mainly involves Rim jobs , need perhaps reflect upon the hubris of their times . Furthermore , I propose if such a said nation (Germany) , was found to also consume the ear rape that is the music of David Hastlehoff , they should be “relocated".

Unfortunately Germany has been found guilty on both counts . Shall I prepare the trains ?
No , that won't work .You can't beat someone at their own game . It will have to be spaceships . The skin eating acid seas of Venus are lovely at this time of year . Off course Mr Hastlehoff will accompany them . I would suggest Australians too , but after living in Australia I fear the face melting horrors of venus will seem like a bit of a holiday .

Germany has done a few decent things . Claudia Shiffer's calender of 1997 saw me through some tough times . However I would never have needed the calender in the first place if I wasn't driving a Volkswagen , because I might even have gotten laid . You know what a Volkswagen is ? A hirsh ! Because driving one literally kills your sex life .And what is life without sex ? Being Swiss !A fate worse than death .

As I was saying there are some good things about Germany . But none of them is the Pope.

Right..back to the topic. It's a complex thing to compare so I'm going to do it piece by piece in the coming few days starting today with housing and cost of living.


Anonymous said...

Jirre, jy's darem slim nê?

"And what is life without sex ? Being Swiss !A fate worse than death."

So, jy sê die wittes moet aanvaar om vermoor te word omdat hulle geen moontlikheid het om in die buiteland sex te hê?

Vreemd vir my dat 'n land jou impotent kan maak.

In Switserland woon 51.9 (in duisend) mense van Afrika. En wat snaaks is, die vrouens word ook swanger. Ek is seker, nie een van hulle is die heilige Maria nie.

Ja nee, dit is opensigtig waar jou brein sit. Geld en sex!

PS: hier het nog nooit 'n polisieman vir my gesê ek moet uit die land uitfok!

'Vat jul goed en f***f'
Nov 06 2008 09:24:20:923PM - (SA)

Gloria Edwards

“Dit is tyd dat julle wittes jul goed pak en f***f.”

Met dié woorde het ’n swart polisie-inspekteur van Tembisa aan die Oos-Rand glo die slagoffers van ’n gewapende rooftog en kapingspoging Maandagaand in Kempton Park geskel.

Dié beampte, wie se naam aan Beeld bekend is, het glo geweier om ’n swart verdagte op die toneel te arresteer of dat ’n strafsaak geopen word nadat mnr. Nic Lubbe (51) van Kempton Park-Wes, sy dogter, Antoenet Cronjé, en dié se twee seuns, Morné (11) en Kyle (3), Maandagaand deur rowers oorval is.

Dít nadat hy glo ook geweier het dat wit lede van die Norkem Park-polisie die verdagtes se motor deursoek en hulle “wit honde” genoem het.

Volgens Lubbe was hy omstreeks 23:00 op pad om sy dogter en kleinkinders by hul huis in Terenure te gaan aflaai toe hy ’n grys Corsa-bakkie langs die pad in Oranjerivierstraat opgemerk het. Die bakkie het glo skielik sy hoofligte aangeskakel om Lubbe te verblind en het van agter in Lubbe se bakkie vasgery. Drie gewapende mans het van die Corsa se bak afgespring en Cronjé se handsak gegryp.

Lubbe het weggejaag en is later saam met sy vrou, Mara (49), en lede van die Norkem Park-polisiekantoor terug na die toneel.

’n Swart inspekteur van die padversperring-taakspan van Tembisa was reeds daar saam met een van die verdagtes (die bestuurder van die Corsa). Die ander drie het weggekom.

“Die inspekteur het gesê ons is wit honde en het vir ’n wit vrouepolisielid gesê hy sal sorg dat sy op ’n rooftog doodgeskiet word. Toe cock hy sy R5-(geweer) in my gesig en sê dis tyd dat ons wittes ons goed pak en uit die land uit f***f.”

’n Ooggetuie wat die rooftog gesien het, het glo gehoor hoe dié inspekteur dié kwetsende opmerkings kwytraak. “Ek het gesien hoe beroof die mense hulle, maar hy beskerm die misdadiger.”

Die inspekteur het toe glo ’n ongeluksverslag geopen. Die vrou van die bestuurder van die Corsa het op die toneel opgedaag en haar glo as ’n polisiebeampte voorgedoen.

Volgens een van die Norkem Park-polisielede wou dié vrou hulle glo arresteer toe hulle die Corsa wou deursoek omdat hulle “op die toneel inmeng”.

Lubbe het gesê dié vrou het die inhoud van sy dogter se handsak gevat en die leë handsak aan haar teruggegee.

Lubbe het Dinsdagoggend sake van gewapende roof en poging tot kaping by die Norkem Park-polisie ingedien. Supt. Eugene Opperman, Gautengse polisiewoordvoerder, het gesê die voorval word ondersoek “met die oog op moontlike tugstappe. Die Tembisa- en provinsiale polisiebestuur het hul skok uitgespreek oor die beweerde voorval.”,,3-975_2422435,00.html

The Rooster said...

I;ll let it slide this time..but in fitire until you lot stop being such dickheads I might just stop any afrikaans comments from being posted.

Anonymous said...

Kannst es auch in Englisch haben:

Johannesburg - "It's time you whites packed your bags and fucked off.",,2-7-1442_2422454,00.html

Anonymous said...

I dont care if I have to pay more for things, at least my life is better and I dont live in fear.
Fuck South Africa and all the dick heads who want to stay there.


Anonymous said...

hi, new to the site, thanks.